no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
