Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
