It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
