new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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