what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
