just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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