The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
