And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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