It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
