Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
