you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
