before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i will never coherently bang her
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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