I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Screwed.edu
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
