I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
