It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
