Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
