Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
