they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
