Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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