I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
