Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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