He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
