I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You don't make any sense
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