you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont even know how to be here
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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