smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize