8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
