I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
