I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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