rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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