Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize