I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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