and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Im part way to drunk.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize