I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
