hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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