my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
