I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
