Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
