So drunk its hurt
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
