You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
