One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she told me i tasted like america
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
