I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
