I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
