Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
