I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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