I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
