I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
