She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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