i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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