I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish I only lived at night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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