Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
