distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
