No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sarcasm needs its own font
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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