that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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