Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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