i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
