You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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