I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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