I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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