When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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