Ambien. No doubt about it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
