I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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