i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
