Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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