You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
