Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
