how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
