get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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