Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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